Shuffle..

Got injected with a new dope of love..

fear factor shaking hands with mercury rising..

a long journey away from home.

a new cell phone..

Avatar Magic..

Nightouts in the office..

20-20 project hours..

Relaxing the spine..

allz not well

New yr celebrations shifted to Xmas..

all the blog entries vanishing in thin air..

bankrupt..heartFull..

glory down the drain..

Pain shot the lid off my head..

Impregnable fortress ramshackled..

Satan Personified..

Control...Ian curtis.

Speeds funny..loony moony..

A poet n a painter drawing swords..

buckle the shoes before going to bed..office calls..

frustration..

divine celebration..

theories out of dog sense..

Few weeks to the climax..A Roller Dollar indeed..

!%-SEP)(_@%_SEP_)(

THE LOST SYMBOL

Dan Brown

action starts after 160 pages..

mystery unfolds a lot earlier..

a promise of national emergency fails to knock u wen it unfolds..

a lil disappointing wen compared to other langdon adventures..

but makes one THINK abt 'the WORD' if u ve been initiated to such thinking earlier.

Shades!

i was on Speeding bike..

highway windin n unfolding before us..

was wearing yellow shades../

n this is wat i unzipped:)

\

The shades had a tint of brownish Yellow.

let me describe the weather before that..

it was kinda rainin now n then..

the pleasant types with melancholy bluish hue interspersed with threating clouds with specks of black

the shades jus changed everythin..

it perceived a warm sunny afternoon..

it took sometime for me to adjust to the reality with the shades on cos wen ii remove them , there is a completely different world in front of me..

i was reminded of my friend who always said that our senses were imperfect..

All i could do here was wonder at the fact that we perceive the world through our senses.

if we dint have the ability to recept certain fragrances, it ratherg becomers so hard for us t6o believe that they really exist, so is the case with all other sensdory receptors.

What is real n unreal.

All that we see is the surrealism posed by our sensory perceptions..

perplexed,i wonder in meandering thoughts which were exploring new domain.

i embark the journey to unearth the truths way beyond me, myself and my percetions.

i pack my bags with new bouts of imagination and all the myriad of thoughts my myriad of species have put in me.

I PUT ON THE SHADES AND WALKED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HEDGE.

Of resplendence tat has blinded me!

i lie down

with no sleep spendin d nite

mornins down like a drunken dog

stubs of fags leavin traces all over d place

d effect of alcohol wearin off

restless mind wanderin boundaries unknown

disconnected dreams

my fav playlist failin to conjure magik

ve ultimately fallen in da maze i know d way not

i cant say it out load

i still wanna shout my throat off d cliff

i realise..

i accept..

i finaaly enjoy the virtuality

i know not how much has she prepared me for this journey

but am losin it every second

a bad move will make me lose it aall

a gamble tat i wish not to throw away

years n years n years

i know wat draws us closer.

the beacon of light off the distant warehouse

is tat wat they call hope

i feel none frm wre i see the light

butterflies..i see them everywhere..

more often than not

the river encircled in the horshoe bend

not reachin da ocean

the urge to the union so strong

a fury that cant break the horse shoe spell

for da river is poisoned

blood so impure

my goddess is always worthy of worship

i cant clip my wings in sacrifice however great the emotion might be

a test of all tat i stood for

d wax in da candle is givin way to darkness

as its no eternal than my mortal musings on this planet

i bring my hands together to feed myself strength

universes bein created from stardust

dust is all thats left of this creation

d devotion i understand not

at times desperation consumes my soul

blackholes formed frm my actions gainin strength

takin everythin in, sparing nothing to craetion

taers have dried

water water behind the corniac dams

not a single drop to shed

moonlight doppling away in eclipses eternal

the highwayman meets the solitary highland lass

their sorrws communicates by intuition

their illusions of life no more understood

pores of da body brewin sweat as if the whole body is sheddin da saline of the eyes

ambiguity n disorientation take d drivers seat

d heart prisoned by a roller coaster of beats thumping thumping

slowly sadly

dreams of hers to step on

my dreams unfolded in a red carpet

symbolising an ode to her 'future' treads on mine

happy to take the footprints

to cherish those contacts immortalised by time

engulfin d dust left by her feet

somitimes a rebel

to upturn destiny

to figt the chances of rollin dice

i need her as i need oxygen water n freshness in them

so suffocated at times, never understanding wat makes me belive

scary thoughts of obsession interludes my thoughts

possessive like never before

only to dream of

her sailin miles apart

sharing her soul with the prince of her precious mind

Gollum.

i ve bcum..

my precious is all i can cry in private

in da darkness left by the blackholes

i pretend a smile when da sun comes to the fore

am happier than ever disappointed self

is it a curse r a nightmare to pass

i feel like rippin off my shell

to show her the mould inside me

to make her see that she is etched within

a void tat only she can fill

a lifetym on earth tat she can give meanin to

alas am jus a mortal

amoral as she loathed

i slap myself to reality

to only feel the pain

a deliverance which is all the better than the pin prickings

ve swum against the tide all along

let go!!

hungry all the same

till life does the death apart

i breathe her in n breathe myself out

shes magic n shes the rain..

i feel her in every drop healing n healing my vain

my pain

am scared of the ultimate test it mite put me to..

which am sure to fail.

i cant take it no more than i can explain

a brilliance far away

blindin all the same... my love!!

beat the heat

pacin down..9..10..11..01

a perennial stream has jus found its end in the pit of a navel mine.

a buzzing fly ends its tenure in a squat.

eyes flamin dragons' fiery.

matka bears water no more than a trickle to quench the thirst, ends in a virtual gulp.

dark is the nite devoid of partyin leaves, leaves me in yonder wander..

leanin am i, watchin with full concentration to jus satisfy my sense with

a mere least of a wavin leaf, summoning the wind.

alas! my senses titter totterin.

practicin voodoo in vain..releasin the pricks tht prisoned the VAYU in chains.

upto no good.

DIMAG KI BATTI in flickerin mode..

arms wide open, runnin the 11 paces that i had counted earlier, between potential n obvious obstructions, like a big fat ostrich preparing flight.

spreadeagled spree dint yield a dab of air to molest the sweat streamin down:(

it had an effect quite the opposite.

flushed.i sit down.

shooin the mosquitoes off.

its fag tym. to open the doorway to fresh contraptions.

bellows of smoke fill the room, affecting thermodynamics of the room in a rather unpleasant,unintended proportion.

quickly put off the smoke n throw a cough in agitation.

i lie back.

glare at the spinnin engg marver overhead.

cursin .

the damn thing doesn seem to throw any air eventhough its seems perfectly functionin in order.

irritation exponentiates............................................

i hide under my tee, to only come out with a face , sweat free:)

the clock says 2.48..

wann it to show 6 badly..

its bearable n pleasant at tat tym of the day..everyday..

beaten by the heat..

i resign.

CHECKMATE

Gulzaman's son

fragrances driftin in the air..
leavin traces behind..
a momentary lapse of reason , they cud be..
a shot of vodka wud ve justified this better..
deprived of which..
I Give u sumthn thats close to my heart..

Gulzaman's Son
Climbing his tortuous way from Kanzalwan, GuIzaman leaves the river, buckwheat harvests and slopes dark with conifers. His breath comes in a half-choked whistle, the air uncertain whether to burst through the lungs or whoosh out of the mouth.
He doesn't remain with his people now, among the sheepfolds and high-pasture huts. They rag him, 'GuIzaman, where is the son? Can we help?' 'Here comes the randiest ram in the valley!' They're not funny, these jibes at his virility. So each sundown he leaves for the river to sleep in a stone-breaker'spine-hut, till at dawn the sheep call him.
GuIzaman strains up the last hundred feet to reach the fold. Expectant ewes seek shelter from the wind under the lee of limestone walls. He sees his kinsmen, bearded and gaunt and broad-boned as himself, brooding over a dead kid. Rain starts hissing. There has been such heavy sleet the week past that in the sheepfolds new-borns have been dying. With the mothers wind-weakened and fed on wet grass, the lambs are still-born, floppinginert on the earth. Ewes don't even lick them and probe for hidden embers of life with their raking tongues. Broken, they turn on their sides like sacks of crushed ice.
The turf is sodden but his own fold is a small den made snug by bales of hay.His ewe snuggles up to him and bleats recognition, a thin tremolo of love blanketed by gutturals of pain. Relations crowd, darkening the doorway,as with heavily-greased arms GuIzaman examines her. Yes, the lamb is on its way! An hour later it is there, quavery-legged and wet and uncertain about its rickety, four-pronged hold on the earth. Shortly it pees. Allah be praised, now it will live. It cannot die of a chill in the stomach. Either the doorway has been cleared, or cloudshave been parted for an instant by the sun. GuIzaman picks the dun-coloured lamb and holds it to his chest. 'This', he says, 'this is my son.'
BY KEKI N DARUWALA

another question??

there s a dark feeling..less than hatred..more than loathing..

that ugly meen feel for handsome men..

its unreasonable and unjustifeid...but its always there..

hiding in the long shadow thrown by envy..

it creeps out..into the light of ur eyes..

wen u r falling in love with a beautiful woman..

SHANTARAM

wat if one no longer feels this way???

Economics thats bothering me...

heres the case..

one gold flake king size cig s 5 rs

one pack 44rs

i buy a pack n think of returnin two to shopkeeper for 8rs

my loss: .80rs

shop key s gain: 2 rs

wat if i get 10rs for d 2 fags that i return??

my gain: 1.20 rs

shop keys loss: .80rs r 0rs???

Butterfly Effect

this turns out to be completely asynchronous with my last post.

I ve always had a theory..

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

(Ever observed a butterfly singin around a flower)

It gives immense happiness n undefined pleasure to me to jus watch the butterfly hoverin around flowers to draw nectar..They are so beautiful..It gives an immense peace of mind..a feel gud factor..

But one should never commit the mistake of catching them..

A free butterfly is thousand times more graceful than the one trapped between ur fingers..

First of all...

she has given me two important things..

One..A Key to unlock my addiction

Two..A way to reality n bliss..A way of life..A pilgrimage..The conscience..

She has given me the books to by..

The music to remember her..

Food for thought..

A new lease of lyf..

N memories immortal..

The adobe of bliss..

Elixir..

Happines can seriously never b described in her presence..

A feeling a bond which even eludes her senses..

She fills the minds eye with colour n virtue..

Each frame dominated by her..

i ve jus taken the liberty to memorise every strand of her hair wavings in the getle breeze from the sides..

every blink of her eyes in excitement..

most of all..images of her sweat from labour..those blotches of her burnt energy..

shes a laborious person n i haven seen her wastin her joules for free..

thats wat makes the scent of her labour captivating both visually n its simply so damn personal..

materially bound..she s my temple..my goddess..my faith in humanity n my interest in lyf..

wen i sync with her she ll b my breath my vision my all senses conjugated in one..

i ll surely kneel down in front of her wen am devoid of all tat i ve amassed so far..

n all thats left with me is the full grown wings(its premature in all aspects now)

n fly in the eternal bliss n wen i can actually develop my sense of her(the seventh sense dedicated to her omnipresence)

Till then i watch the butterfly filling my mind with all the peace that seems to have evaporated from my self..

the beauty here lies in developin the wings af the butterfly by watchin it fly rather than caging ourselves by trapping the tender membranes of the wonderful creature, chainin ourselves forever n ever...

Irrelevant musings

Its been quite sometym....
on a high seems sumthin of the past...
vision is hazy..
evertythin is kind of dizzy dizzy...
with no literary feed for quite sometym now...

there was a time, not so long ago..
when the creative pitches were hit for a Home Run..
runnin seems to ve been laid to rest..RIP..

a blockage..blockade n a choke...
roadblock in front of milestones...
the moonlite fadin away ..
cos the sun is carbonisin..

there seems to b a valley below the lake...
the reflections encapsulated in a matrix..
bitter tastin strawberries paintin the ocean red...

sheets of ice afloat..
mercury risin n risin..
meltin d ice station zebra....
vanishin without leavin traces any...

myriad of colors remind me of the bow..
my triads not finding the deltas of change...
hope is a quintessential of feelings all...
for love has flown out the window...
a remoreseless widow in black..

wat am i writin..i know not..
dots i ve made..but connect them not...
words i ve stolen...
but mean them not...

thrillin is a ride which pumps more adrenaline..
keepers of the secret..reveal them not..

mysteries misunderstood..make them not..
substantial sequences evade me not....

bored is the reader .. reach here not..
for i wish to try..try me not...

there is a beautiful bank by the rivers flowin with eternal bliss..
such is the serenity, to make one gape in awe..
beautiful birds singing by..
alone is the boy with the load of pebbles..
he wishes to engage in some arm strainin...
throwin pebbles which hop on d river makin microsec impressions to be lost forever..
such is the river which banishes things on its way slowly erodin them
in a playful banter..
the sky above is a hazy blue...romantic rainbows kissed by the rain..
a beautiful deer finds her way next to the boy..
givin him company with deep beautiful eyes...
sedated the boy throws the pebbles down..
enchanted captivated..
the deer leads him to the jungle..
there is a lush cover of trees..
sun rays trickle down to give greenish yellow haze...
the leaves twinkle with the rainy dew..

happy is the boy..all wet on the face..
wakin up to find hish eyelashes bathed in saline n so..
wipes his eyes n hops outta bed..
it is evenin with a dream left incomplete..
puzzled is the expn..
he feels gud bcos of the dream but cannot explain the tears on him..
bewildered is he...so am I!!

Y r we HERE??

Thinkin of the purpose of life n living can give u some of the most perplexin thts, finally subdued by the feelin that , in front of the magnanimous never ending universe,as little as a micron of a spec of the dot wont define us ..the depths of the microscope will stop havin erections after havin tried to define a point that could be close to comparable , to bring about synonymity to the entity defined by us(singularity in question)

gettin bac to y i started the very comparison in the first place is to ask the very basic question of how this insignificant anonymous entity might feel wen he finds his strengths???

how will that passion be??
how will tat fire take shape??
how will that fire take birth from the womb of ones darkest unexplored depths??
will tat fire burn the oil that drives u r will it burn the depths to produce more enery to drive u??
will it b like the notes of the music flowin on the infinite paper whose lengths surpass the depth of the black hole??
will it engulf the ego to give it the purpose of lyf??
will it mix with the air that we take n in the air that we exhume??
will it make u the light enuf to laugh at the laws of gravitation n wil it defy brownian motion??
will it surpass the 3-4 dimensions (approximated rectangular anomalies) to replace then n kick approximatons out of our lives n make us face absolutes for the first tym ever??
will it destroy the idea of infinity, to make us feel reality, to breathe freedom of the boundaries imposed on the limitless thinkin??
will it bring u out of the shell that u r encased in??

how will it be like??
doing tat which comes naturally to us??
doing tat which will bring out the best in us with the least of resistances offered??
doing things that we ve never imagined to b possible??
doing the doings without the tht of mortality influencin us??

Leave Out All The REST

i stare at it...
it keeps staring back at me...
i raise my arms, n yo! the perfect sledge hammer..
one blow..one stroke..a hard hit...
thousands of shards fly ...
till the gravity hits them hard...
a commotion of violence..a perfect symphony..
treat for the ears...
brilliance multiplied by billions......
i stand with blood meandering down my skin....
with cuts splittin the harmony of the contours of the body..
shaken i stand..
stirred, i ve shifted the equilibrium around..
the soul , though panting, is unsatisfied....

taking few steps off the debris...
with arms stretched wide,
saluting the body at acute angles..
i bring my nerves out..
palms tightly closed,clenched teeth...
as if crushing somethin in my arms with all strength i cud muster..
as if it were a question of lyf n death...
mouth wide open..
projected,penetrating,
furious,fluffy,
a mushroom of fire erupts from the inside..
rage outsmarting the fury..
directed towards the sky..
lighting the planet as if mocking the sun..
a flash engulfs all darkness of the moment..
it destroyed oll blanks n voids that cameth its way,
that bloketh its couse,,
bent on one knee n supportedby both arms..
i tilt the head a little towards hell..
a mocking refreshment of the relishes sought..
exhausted ..it all goes away...
at the same instant , a thud is all thats heard..
i collapse on the ground ,flat,on my face..

Metro blues

delhi metro.
barah kambah..THE STATION
there by the window,
i was hanging by the pole,
such was the alchemy of desire,
i wouldve stripped down , rite there,
a gentle nod wouldve sufficed.

cun take my eyes off her....
traveelin unknown depths,
the destitation tat waited, i kew not...
magic .. illusions..she was rite in front of me..
a mirrage of the inner eye..
i had always admired her,inside of me..
in the pity of snowflakes n sorry days.....
usually brought alive by the words,
i was shocked to her moulded in blood n skin,
for i tht such beauty was a left captive of my grey train..
yet there she was,
i knew not...
was enchanched in the dreams of dazzlin dope of my creation,
rituals i wud ve performed to take her back to the depths wre she belonged..
possessed, i stopped the adj frm taking shape..
lost i was......
pushed away by the drainin wave tat took me far ,
the mechanical pull took her further,
off the train,but i left my shadow behind...
to follow her..to caress her.. to haunt her ..
to disturb her ..to remind her..
to lurk in her privacy..
in the darkness of light..
to sinfully lust her,to elgulf her,to loose in her slupture,
to guide her ..........

lost was i,
numbness spreading thru,
feelings felt none,
eyes held by the beauty i jus experienced...
her spectre etched in my cornea..
sweet luv..
sweetened by u...

Customised Encore...

Jus wanted to move on
dint even know, how far wud i go
watever i do,cant clear things out..
whenever i try to balance..
end up with strings off valence

dint even know, dint have a clue,
look!!wat u made me do,
look!! wat i made for u ,
i jus wanna breathe it out too..
burn the walls around
tear away the memories that surround..
hear the commotion,the solace,a quanta gainin momentum..
Which so damn hold me sound..
wanna breathe fire lashes
wanna wash all the ashes...

wanna absorb the lightnin,
standing on a solitary moonlit highway..
To fury in the Fury out
Grand Openin..GRAND Closing...

i designed this rhyme to remind myself of the time..
i spent so hard n got NO Far,
Havin frought down ,The essence of it ALL..
With exhaustion,ATLASrolls the ball, Crasges the calll..
WAT D HELL R U WAITIN FOR?????????
Geht him J...........

The elusive FIRST KISS ver 0.2

so there...
here goes my elusive first kiss once more...

the kiss that never materialised...
far in the future...
with the signs of grey lukin out..
by the restaurant window,
enjoying a fork picked nirvana of green..
jus abt to touch the tastin buds..
there she is..
i luk at her with her daughter..
Amerika it is....
the lil angel is so cuuuuuuuuutttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
thankin the first kiss that never had been.
closer they come..wavings n huggings all done..
i cud feel the heat somewhere i belonged...
after some treat of nostalgia n catchin up we did,
the lil sweetheart threw some carnatic tones on the walk...
thankin the first kiss that never was..
FAMILY!!
seemed like my own..
with a smoke, i blew it all out to b engulfed by the ever welcomin nature..


i honoured her invitation to dinner at her place with her hubby around this time..
thankin the first kiss that never had been...
still felt gelled as a family to me..
stories stories went by..
i glanced at he albatross tied around my neck..
she was smilin , unusual for the lifeless DUCK.


as days went by..the cutest of the sweetest hearts asked her mom abt the one strange uncle,
--it then hit me that the girl has accepted me..
poor lil mom , she told the lil one that she once loved mysteries:)

i sat in lil rented haven festooning the spirits with rings of smoke..
thats how i had been..
that how i d wanted to b remembered..
this s how I AM REMEMBERED:)

one fine the the sweetest of the voices asked me the same lil question her mom used to part ways...
blinkin blinkin...
had a ready answer which i gave everybody..
still blinkin....
this lil one deserved sumthin more..
i gave into sum random thts for a while..lil longer,
then i gave my brightest lil smile..
I TOLD HER TAT..WEN I WAS IN MY COLLEGE DAYS>>NOT SO LONG AGO,
i married the smokes for the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind..
sumthin funny abt the eternal thin made the lil one burst into laughter..
i saw my past my present and my future at tht moment..
it was so wonderful..
a lil further the lil one i saw the big one snarin at me..
i blew a kiss into the air..threw my smokes into the bin...
and walked rite into oblivion....
happily nevemind:)

THE elusive first KISS

The first kiss that never was , seems to b ever eluding the depth n warmth of the superficial surrealistic realms..

the first kiss that never will be, will always reMAIN A PART OF THE DREAMY HAZE THAT ONCE GAVE BIRTH TO THE VERY very emotion in question,in the very first place,becoming a positional pun after having found the full stop quicker than the quickest.

the first kiss tht s never gonna be is the most special of kisses for the very ,as the matter of factly of facts, will make u slither in anticipation for that moment wen the vision in the inner eye meets the eye , when that overflowing sensation touches ur lips,givin meaNING TO All that was lurkin in the shadows,never a matter of shame,having brought all to the light,makin one feel liter than the lightest.no pun intended here, as the confluence of realms take place on a much more realistic note.

FRANCISCO D' ANCONIA

Raise a Request

For those who are really keen on the grammar n finer aspects of the English Language, pls pardon my deviations from the standards that u define, cos i ve none to abide by...

To those who might exorcise themselves with the routine of goings through my random thoughts, my sincerest apologies for being a pain in the ass..n dont mistake me for not providing any consolations to those who have put their arses' on the line..(i intend u to throw light on the fact tat i, me , myself never take the pains to go thru my own work once its been thrown here...WHich is quite paradoxical to the blog title n i find it really amusuing in ways i , me ,myself never have explored to bring to my knowHOW... )

A Vague Induction

Welcome one and all....
cutting the crap, i ll get to the point directly here..i dont even know why am i writing this over here r why the heck am i going through the procee of even telling u abt wat i feel should b let out(enuf crap already..get to the ...whatever u wanna call it..)
yup..
u jus use soap after usin the tissue paper r sometimes the usage of the tissue paper follows SOAP..whichever may be the case, the tissue does its job n ends up in the bin..sometimes it leaves the cosy pride of being in the purse or hands of the hottie chick and ends up getting crushed by the bitchy owner to end up........eventually in the BIN..ISNT IT SO OBVIOUS!!
(i dont have a clue to what the devil has conjured up here for his freak show...with my firgers crossed..)
Ah!! u lil brat!! look whos calling me the DEVIL..ignore his discrepencies n ambiguous disfigured degraded dreadful dough of dung..
wre was i??
THE TISSUE PAPER...
nothing really spl r noteworthy abt us..we jus take in the grime , molested jus because we r observant,..........
extending our services to all..I jus intend to kill some time typin all that i might ve actually written on a toilet paper while sittin uncomfortably in the loo(his ass is too biiig for the poor pretty petty toilet seat to accomodate his luxurious rear)
once again welcome ....one and all.....